finally done with my acct practise today.
and i just realise uni doesnt count recess week as week x.
such that i mistook recess week as week 7,
(but actually recess week is week nth!)
so everything is pushed forward,
not so bad, more time to do my projects now.
if you are patient and have time to read, read on,
maybe it can spur you to think about your future too.
suddenly i just dont know what i want to be anymore.
and this thought made me lose the drive to move on.
it’s not just the money, in actual fact,
is one hell overloading of issues in my head.
here’s the story;
at first i thought marketing was the route i wanna choose.
then people tell me marketing, do so much work, with only that static amount of pay.
(which is obviously and seriously true)
then HR, yeah get that static pay but you dont really learn much.
finance no need say cos i got totally no interest in it.
and mere looking at the module titles already puts me off.
another one, operations management, which you guessed right,
which is taking care of operations, and yes, this genre has good money.
(probably take into consideration though not much interest too, but don’t mind doing, somewhat, the last straw)
i really dont know, i’m at my wits end.
and i must think properly.
my entire career depends on this decision.
some people might say i kan chiong,
so fast choose for what?
as a matter of fact, if i choose now or later,
the dilemma is still the same.
what can a IT dip grad + biz degree fella do?
sounds promising and pleasant to the ear,
but i’m also struggling to switch my path (from IT to biz, all that math argh!)
ultimately that’s only one profession i can do right? either IT or biz.
and they are not going to pay you IT dip pay + biz degree pay with all that knowledge in my pea-brain.
and i’ve been hearing comments everywhere like;
“Why you dont want continue work, got income leh, then can slowly climb high, my brother got dip, working in bank now with 3k/mth”
or
“you girl leh, study what, in future also stay at home look after kids, then the degree do what? frame on the wall?’
AND
this devil’s voice keeps telling me
‘you choose to study, you choose to bear the liabilities, even if now your family in dire straits you also dont want to choose to work and support when you already have the means to. you one hell of a selfish bitch’
long long time ago,
okay maybe end of sec sch,
approximately 5 years ago.
my girls know it, i wanted biz.
some were clear what they want (finance etc)
and i thought i knew what i want.
but realistically weighing the benefits from the specializations,
(although nus has the option for me not to specialize, i find non-specialization even more aimless)
i realised, i really can’t want what i want if money is ultimately my goal.
but it’s not only about me, my family is like already waiting for me to half-support them,
if i continue to do what i want, my family’s going to suffer longer as well.
i mentioned this before,
graduating at 24 and struggling to pay off all the studies debts by 28.
but dear would have already grad from SIM at 23 and start earning REAL cash.
how much savings can we have to plan for our future?
if everything also borrow (from bank, families), it’s like having a HUGE bag of burden on my back.
and i had this bag since young, just that it’s getting heavier,
and it was only gone for that 1 year i work.
( i admit i had very little financial burden at that time)
my whole life is full of debts and nothing else.
i know everyone else will be owing banks (if not what they earn) when they marry.
but i just hate the feeling of being penniless ALL my life and still going to owe few hundred thousands in future.
i hate this feeling.
people may think i’m still far too young to think of all these marriage whatsoever.
but time and tide waits for no man.
i can’t keep enjoying life my way.
time in uni passes too fast.
i want to have goals, to look forward to, to work hard for.
this is me.
but now i have none.
that’s why i’m regretting.
i should have find a new job at a bank or elsewhere when i left nyp.
this way i still got income, and happily saving up for what i want.
and still got plenty of weekends with dear.
why on earth did i go uni now?
was i too ambitious?
)
